Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm gonna fight the coyote
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
