The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
