Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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