I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
