God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
