Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize