also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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