I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
