allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
