I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
