they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
