I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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