she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
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the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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