I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
