Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
