I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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