It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
