Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
