i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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