why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
