No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
