Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
