Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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