The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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