life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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