I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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