i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Terrible idea I love it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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