Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
