Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
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I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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