At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
