Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she told me i tasted like america
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
