I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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