I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
