so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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