I've blown a few things in my day
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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