you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
