I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
