Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
