I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
