I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
