I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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