I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
