best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
