When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
