You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just googled if crying burns calories
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
