you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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