I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
