He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
