I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
