Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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