help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He did a backflip because drugs
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
