Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
