we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
