That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
