the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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