my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
