Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
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