Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
