I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
