Banned from zoo.
Again?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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