who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
