It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
