Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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