I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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