I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
