Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
