I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
