Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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