My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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