You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
MIDGETS
????
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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