What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
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so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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