What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
